Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
