Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
