I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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