At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
