If that was your dad, he is hot
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
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I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
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well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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