Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Randomize
