I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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