He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
