About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
