you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
