yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
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so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
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I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
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