Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
