I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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