I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
