he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
