I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
