He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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