Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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