so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
