i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
