i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just pynch a tree in the face
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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