She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
