every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
