A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How many fucks given?
0.12846
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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