I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
