Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
