his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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