I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
