Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
