When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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