We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
