He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
