We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
