what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize