i just had sex bonerless
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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