I'm really into asian looking animals
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Randomize
