When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
