MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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