Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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