In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
