I'm jealous of your bromance
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
