I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
