I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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