Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
