Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
