sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
