K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
