DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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