there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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