I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
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once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
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I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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