Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
