You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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