i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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