When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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