he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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