I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
