Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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