so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
