I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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