last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
