im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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