I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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