I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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