i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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