Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
