If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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