just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
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For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
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That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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