Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
