I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
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Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
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Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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