i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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