How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
