I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There's always time for handjobs
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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