I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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