Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
