remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
