it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
