my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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