I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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