They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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