you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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