i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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