Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
